Life Is Hard...

Fund managers have a sense of humor?

This picture works for me on so many different levels:

Does it mean that the fund managers are annoying little bugs that should be squashed, or does it mean that I need a magnifying glass to see what's left of my money? Heh! The possibilities are endless.

Al Gore Declares: "I won't run."

Tonight, "60 Minutes" started the show with a bomb shell: Al Gore announces that he will not seek the Presidency! Quite a shock to the see the field narrowing this early in the contest.

Trent Lott Must Go

With his recent comments about Strom Thurmond, Senator Trent Lott just reinforces my opinion that he needs to step down as majority leader. As a point of fact, I was distressed and disappointed when I first heard that Lott would return as Majority Leader in the first place. The reasons to replace him seem obvious to me, not the least of which is the Jim Jeffords affair. Lott's pandering to this turncoat was wrongheaded from the beginning.

President Bush risked his political neck to get a Republican majority in the Senate, and some thanks he'll gets for it from Senate Republicans, if they let Lott run the show. Weren't there any lessons learned from 1994? If the Democrats want to fillibuster, so what? Turn about is fair play, and Republicans slap them with the obstructionist label.

In short, I want strong Republican Leaders, not pandering, spineless Dixiecrats!

Buying a New Car has never been such fun!

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes he needs to buy a new car. That time came for me when my old Dodge Spirit gave up the ghost in the driveway of my girlfriend's parents. Egads, how embarassing.

So the following Tuesday I dropped in at the local Ganley dealership, (conveniently located nearby), and asked about the Honda Civic Hybrid, a car which had caught my eye some time ago. A friendly well-fed salesman named "Bob" was happy to show me all the particulars. The sticker price on the car was $21,000. Although Bob and I didn't discuss the price, he did promise me that I could finance the car at 1.9% for 36 months, which seemed like a pretty good deal to me.

On Thursday I hopped online and went to autobytel.com and requested a quote. Soon thereafer I got a call from "Jane" at Sunnyside Honda. (Sunnyside Honda is apparently the only Honda dealer in the area that has a relationship with autobytel.com) Anyway, Jane immediately quoted me a price of $29,200 for the car. But when I asked Jane about financing, she said that 3.9% was the absolute lowest that she could offer. When I told Jane that Ganley had promised me 1.9%, she said it was impossible or else it was a trick. In fact, Jane proceeded to say all sorts of mean nasty things about Ganley. She said, (and I paraphrase for clarity), that dealers who promised low rates like Ganley's were actually tricking the customer. These sneaky dealers would actually redirect part of your downpayment to interest payments instead of principal, thus giving the appearance of a lower rate.

Let me tell you, Jane was convincing. Once she was done telling me about all the mean ugly things that the Ganley dealer would do to me, I was scared. But I did call Bob back and ask him if he could beat Jane's price. And, he did. In fact, he beat her price by over $500! And, he still promised me the 1.9% financing. "Hmm," I thought. "This has to be too good to be true. This must just be part of some vast Ganley conspiracy to defraud me!"

So anyway, I called Jane back the next day and made a deposit on the car over the phone. (There was a blizzard outside that day and I didn't feel like driving my old wreck through the snow.)

The following day, Jane left me a message to call her. When I got her on the phone, she sounded excited. "Good news, Matt!" she said. "I was able to get you 1.9% financing for 36 months through Honda!"

"Hmm", I thought, "Wasn't that the same deal that Ganley was offering me, which Jane swore up and down was either impossible or else a dirty trick? How is it that she can offer it to me now?"

I didn't say anything over the phone. The silence was deafening. Jane realized something was wrong. I quickly ended the conversation and was lost in thought. Later, I called Bob and had a long talk with him. He never once had anything bad to say about Jane or Sunnyside. "Hmm," I thought.

So the next day I called Jane back and canceled the deal and requested a refund on my deposit. She tried to make a counteroffer, but she couldn't match Ganley's price. We hung up.

Forty-five seconds later, I got a phone call from "Biff", the audibly angry and aggressively nice Sales Manager at Sunnyside Honda. "Mr. Crandall," shouted Biff, "Mr. Crandall, what seems to be the problem? We don't like to lose customers, Mr. Crandall. You and I need figure out what the problem is and get it taken care of right now Mr. Crandall. You and I will get this worked out today and get you into your new car Mr. Crandall."

"The problem," said I, "Is that I don't trust you anymore."

"Mr. Crandall," shouted Biff, "Let's not get personal here. There's no need for you to get all curt and huffy with me. Let's be grownup here. We are all about customer service here."

"Well this customer would prefer to end this conversation right now!" said I.

"Mr. Crandall, I can't do that. I have to be professional and handle this like a professional," shouted Biff into the telephone. "What if we took Jane out of the picture Mr. Crandall, would that make you happy?"

"No," said I. "Even without Jane, you haven't given me a better offer. Ganley is closer to me, Ganley has a better price, and nobody at Ganley has misled me in any way."

"Well", shouted Biff, "What if I give you X, Y, and Z?"

And, to make a long story short, Biff offered me the same price as Ganley plus two years of free factory service. But I turned him down.

Three hours ago I just sealed the deal with Bob at Ganley for my new Honda Civic Hybrid. Time will tell if I made the right choice.

Look out Saddam! Here come the Experts!

James V. Grimaldi writes in the Washington Post:

The United Nations launched perhaps its most important weapons inspections ever yesterday with a team that includes a 53-year-old Virginia man who has no specialized scientific degree...

The United Nations acknowledged yesterday that it did not conduct a background check on Harvey John "Jack" McGeorge of Woodbridge, Va., ...

McGeorge was picked for the diplomatically sensitive mission over some of the most experienced disarmament sleuths in the world. A U. N. spokesman said McGeorge was part of a group recommended by the State Department...

...the Washington Post found that McGeorge is the co-founder and past president of Black Rose, a Washington-area pansexual sado-masochistic group... he is also a founding officer of the Leather Leadership Conference Inc., which "produces training sessions for current and potential leaders of the sado-masochism / leather / fetish comunity."

Thank you, State Department, for making America Proud!